Life, success and... compromise
Life goes on and it only gets better as we succeed in what we set out to do. But what about the little compromises that we make as we move along, achieving one milestone after another. Let's find out.
Okay, heads up. This one is going to be a long one. It's something that I have been thinking about for quite some time now and I'm pretty sure most of you will find this super relatable. It's also a bit of a rant, but bear with me. Give it a go, right through till the end - I promise you it will all make sense. Hope you like this one! To get such pieces in your inbox every week, please subscribe to Telang Thoughts. Cheers!
Life is primarily a function of time. This aspect has been amplified to a large extent this year, since the beginning of the COVID-19 pandemic. Life has just gone by as we grappled with the restrictions applied and it's already almost the end of the year. Even in relatively normal times, life just goes on. Weeks come and go, months pass and by and soon it's time for your next birthday. What makes life worth living are the milestones of success that we strive to achieve and eventually do. Your first report card, your first successful college project, your first date, your first job, your first promotion, your first car, your first house, your first time on an airplane - these milestones, big or small, define our life and make it worth living.
But these milestones, and life as well, have their own set of compromises that come with them. A compromise is not necessarily bad. But some compromises significantly lower the standards at which we live our lives. What's worse are the compromises that come bundled with these milestones, these accomplishments, these tokens of success. On the outside, you may feel ecstatic at achieving and acquiring something that you have dreamt of for the longest time. But it's not all rosy as it seems. It's important to acknowledge the compromises.
Let's have a look at some of the key aspects and milestones of our lives. First, let us...
Look at our homes
Buying a new house has been considered the epitome of success in every Indian family. For ages, real estate has been considered a safe investment, appreciating as time passes by. The truly 'I have arrived in life' moment used to be when your parents go around town, distributing sweets announcing 'My son has bought a new house!'
With real estate prices skyrocketing, buying a new house even for a dual-income family has become a distant dream. The rates per square foot are mind-boggling, the monthly installments and interest you need to pay - even more so. And yet the pressure to buy a house persists. Well, why wouldn't you want a roof over your head that you can call your own? Throw in the 'how will you get married if you don't have a house?' comment and young men and women today reprioritize their life goals, to SOMEHOW get around to buying a house.
And that's where the compromise begins. The prices of good property in the city centre, close to your place of work, are eye-watering, to say the least. So you move away - to the suburbs - where the greenery has been destroyed to make way for an urban, concrete jungle. Water and electricity permissions are still to be figured. And then you come to the houses themselves. The size of houses have been shrinking day by day. In the quest to incorporate more bedrooms, you now have rooms that are barely larger than prison cells. In the quest for vertical dominance, buildings end up looking like toothpicks that could collapse if a strong wind blew. Your car barely fits in the parking, your children have no place to run around and play and while you may have stretched your wallet to afford the EMIs, you now have to deal with exorbitant maintenance costs.
Gone are the days where you had spacious living rooms and bedrooms, balconies where you relax and spend your evenings and a backyard where you could grow some flowering parts and a vegetable patch. These houses do exist - 'farmhouses' as we call them now, in a nice, tranquil town about a couple of hours from where you stay. But with the hectic daily work travel, do you have the time and energy to spend your weekend at the farmhouse?
Did you say work travel?
Look at our public transport
Local trains are considered the lifeline of Mumbai, probably the busiest and most densely populated city in not just the country, but also in the world. Every morning, we have millions of people jostling for space on a local train, making their way to their place of work. Being able to get a seat on the train is a luxury that you can only dream of - doesn't matter if you're travelling first-class or otherwise. It is absolutely normal for you to reach your office with dishevelled hair, an untucked shirt, crumpled sarees or kurtas and if you're really unlucky, with your wallet having been stolen by a pickpocket. And God forbid if you're slightly vertically challenged, you may be banished to a precarious spot, with your nostrils in the armpits of a particularly foul-smelling guy who's holding onto the grab-handles and dozing off while still standing, completely ignorant of your predicament. You will find this disgusting if you don't travel by the Churchgate-Virar local regularly. The vast majority of Mumbaikars will just find this relatable.
Our buses are no better. AC buses are far and few. Buses often run late, unable to cope up with the curveball the traffic throws at them every single day. You could spend a considerable amount of time waiting for your bus in the scorching sun (thanks to terribly built and ill-maintained bus stations), only for a bus to arrive with passengers hanging out of the doors. Let's say you still manage to get an aisle seat in the bus - there will still be people standing in the aisle and that would mean a supremely unpleasant 'crotch in face' situation.
If you have made enough money to move on to autorickshaws and taxis, well done! Life is slightly better. Or is it? Well, you don't have to deal with people falling all over you like in buses and trains. But you still have to deal with rickety rides that will guarantee you permanent damage to your spine. But that's only after being rejected by dozens of drivers who plainly refuse to take you to your preferred destination. The advent of Uber, Ola and the likes have made life significantly better. But on a bad day, you just wish you had your own car. But then...
Look at our cars
You've finally got the big promotion and you want to reward yourself with a car. The Indian car market is humungous with manufacturers popping out new cars almost every other month. But as with many other things, the car that you really Dzire (sorry for the pun) is always just a smidge out of your budget. So you settle for something cheaper and thus, something smaller. With the objective of cramming in all the fancy features at a competitive price, car manufacturers compromise on probably the most important feature of their cars - the safety of their occupants. Modern laws have instilled some sense of responsibility but until a couple of years ago, features like airbags and an anti-lock braking system (ABS) were reserved for premium cars.
Indians are also very conscious of the fuel efficiency figures. Remember the 'kitna deti hai?' ads? Well, the easiest way to increase fuel efficiency is to reduce the weight of the car. And how do you do that? By making the structure thinner and lighter. But that reduces the crash protection of the car severely. For years, cars manufactured in India have performed abysmally in the crash tests conducted at a global level. It's only very recently that some manufacturers have taken safety seriously and are advertising positive crash test results.
Okay, you have your car now and you want to take your family out for a weekend trip. Try fitting 3 people in the back seat. A perfectly peaceful family will end up elbowing each other, shoulders brushing, vying for space. Your knees hurt because of the lack of leg-room. All this because your car manufacturer had to reduce the size of the car to get some tax benefits to make the car cheaper for you.
It's still not the end. Fuel is getting hilariously expensive in India, thanks to the insane taxes levied by the Government. The roads are in an atrocious condition. Traffic is terrible, especially with all the construction work going on in the middle of the road. You are standing at a traffic signal and a rash biker, brushes against your rear-view mirror, scratching it up or even worse, breaking it. You spend 30 min trying to find a parking spot. If you do, it turns out to be a No Parking zone and your car gets towed away. You get fed up of driving, only to realize that driver salaries have hit the roof. As you are sitting stuck in traffic, you wish you could just take a flight. But wait...
Look at our flights
It all begins with waking up for them. The cheap flights are always the early morning ones. Add to that, the time it takes for check-in and security and the fact that you live far away from the airport means you have to wake up at unearthly hours to make sure you get to your flight on time. If you're flying Air India, may the Lord help you - you have to add some buffer time for the extra slow check-in process. You get your boarding pass which is an absolute mess - your boarding gate will always be the LAST thing you notice on it and for some reason, everything else takes precedence.
If you're unlucky, you don't get an aerobridge. Instead, you take a bus to the aircraft where you will be standing awkwardly with your baggage between your legs, holding onto grab-handles made of the hardest plastic you could find on the planet. You get into the plane and you have to wait till you reach your seat because people think finding their bag a comfortable place in the overhead compartment is more important than other passengers waiting to find their seat.
When you finally settle in your seat, you realize it's only slightly better than wearing a straight-jacket. If you're slightly on the taller side, your knees are up against the seat in the front, making them numb even before the flight takes off. If there's a big, burly guy sitting next to you, your arm-rest is gone for good. The less said about airplane food, the better and the size of the tray table ensures you drop at least some food on your trousers.
I haven't even spoken about flight delays. These have become way too common recently - almost business as usual. Consider yourself lucky if your flight actually takes off on time. But the delays don't leave you even after you land. Try finding a cab at a busy airport after landing - it's an absolute mess. You'll get 3x surge prices, drivers cancel rides on a whim while all you want to do is reach home and stretch your legs for a good night's sleep.
Flying on an airplane was supposed to be an experience of a lifetime. Something that you worked hard to achieve. But considering the compromises with flying economy, you wish you could fly business. For that you, you need a better job. But then..
Look at our jobs
Everyone works hard to get a great role at a top company. The perks will differ from place to place. Some promise a fantastic pay package. Some others lure you with foreign travel to exotic locations. Other companies might boast of a fancy office. All these are great when you look at it from the outside, even better to tell everyone about. But it's when you actually start working that you realize the intricacies of how the working world works.
You might travel to an international location for work but only when you arrive there do you realize that you'll be working 12 hours a day, weekends included. Unless you peek out of the window, you don't even realize if you're sitting in Delhi or Dublin. Those working in fancy offices soon realize the fancy lights and air-conditioner switch off after 9PM, even as you pull out your hair, making the changes your boss asked you to do in the client presentation. Your boss too might turn out to be unreasonable - trying to nit-pick on every little error you make. Your team might be unsupportive, always falling short of understanding what you need them to do.
It doesn't stop within the four walls of your office though. You're on your way back home and your boss calls. And for some reason, you answer. Stop whatever you are doing, you answer. And it's never just a call. It's a 'small' change in the presentation. Or a 'small' conference call to follow. Or a 'small' e-mail to be sent. And you will agree, it's never 'small'. Even after you reach home, you might have a called scheduled post-dinner because your client is based out of the US. All this when your parents go about all day saying 'my son/daughter works in a multinational'!
I think these examples are enough, but I have to clarify. This piece, in no way, aims to de-value your achievements. Nor do I want to discourage you from aiming to buy a house or a car or going after that one thing that you have always wanted. These are important achievements and it is only fair that we celebrate them. But it is also important to understand and acknowledge the reality behind them and the compromises coupled with them.
I'm sure you are all familiar with the 'Sharma ji ka beta' syndrome. Where you are expected to do something just because the son of a certain Sharma (common Indian surname) has done it. He's bought a house. And a car. He works at a top company. He flies Monday morning and flies back Friday evening.
Well, good for you! At first, it may seem like you have achieved nothing in comparison. Social media has made it worse. Everyone only talks about the good things, amplifying the pleasures of life. You might share an Instagram story of you sipping hot chai while overlooking snow-capped mountains. Or having a beer by the beach. But barely anyone shares stories about how they also carry their work laptop just because their boss might need to send out that really urgent email.
In the end, all I want to say is - look a little deeper, and maybe, just maybe, you may realise that you are indeed happy and content with what you have in life, without the successes and the compromises that accompany it.
If you found this interesting, please drop a like and leave a comment. Thank you.
Loved that Amol! Good advice to live in the moment be content with what you have 😍
What a lovely dollop of positivity & optimism this beautiful Monday morning. Oh wait. Wrong substack.