Notes to my 13-year-old self

Thoughts around life, education, work, love and everything else that I wished someone had told me when I was 13.

I turned 29 this week and like many others, celebrated my birthday staying indoors at home, spending quality time with family. Months have blitzed by as the world fights the pandemic and no matter how hard we try to keep ourselves busy, there are moments where we end up alone, silently reflecting on what could have been. But as the Big 30 approaches next year, this was also a good time to go back a decade and a half and talk some sense to my 13-year-old self.

Age 13. ThirTEEN. The beginning of the teenage years, where you're treading the thin line between confidence and arrogance. Raging hormones dominate your thought process. There are new distractions that suck you into a time-wasting vortex. You feel feelings you've never felt before. You seek instant gratification. You crave everything under the Sun. You want to live in the NOW.

I wish I could go back in time and get this 13-year-old to sit down, take a deep breath, and listen to my 29-year-old self. Life is going to be good - you will do well academically and professionally, you will find the love of your life, you will be happy with what you have and you will also always be ambitious and want to be the best. But there are things that you take for granted today that you should be truly grateful for. And then there are things you could do NOW that you probably won't be able to do when you're 29. So here goes - notes to my 13-year-old self, in no particular order.

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You're privileged

You are studying at one of the best schools in the country, you have a loving family, friends you can trust and access to the Internet. All of that put together - now that is 'privilege' - something that millions across the globe don't enjoy. Yes, you may come across others your age - those who boast about dating the prettiest girl in school and others who have legacies that ensure an Ivy League MBA admission ten years later. But that's not going to matter eventually. If you are humble enough to accept your privilege and work hard to build on it, you will be unstoppable!

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Read

It's never too late to start reading. Get a Kindle as your birthday gift. Block at least 30 minutes every day to read. Have a healthy mix of fiction and non-fiction. Highlight stuff that strikes a chord with you. Learn at least one new word every day. Don't stop at that. Write a summary of the book - the parts you liked and made you think. Do some research on the author. But READ! The knowledge you will imbibe through reading will stay with you forever!

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Learn a new language

The world is getting smaller. You will travel the world and interact with people from various countries and cultures. Stay close to your native language. Master English. Learn at least one other language - something that is widely spoken. Try Spanish first to get yourself into the habit. The Chinese are going to be everywhere - you could also try your hand at Mandarin.

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Code

You would have just started learning C++ in school and you'll learn Java in the next couple of years. You'll love coding - the ability to create new things will give you a kick you've not felt before. Your career might take you away from coding. But don't let it. Use your weekends to code. Upgrade your coding skills. Build small projects. Share them with others. Coding is going to be really important and it would be a shame to let go of something that you truly love so much!

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Create

You're going to be surrounded by content and you're going to consume as much as you can. You'll be stuck to a screen all day, whether it be a television, computer, or smartphone. (Spoiler alert: You still won't be needing glasses). Everyone around you will be talking about the nail-biting cricket match or the latest superhero movie or the episode of a show that takes your breath away or a stand-up comedy act that left them in splits. Consume it all my friend, but more importantly, CREATE.

Write a blog. Start a YouTube channel. Record a podcast. Tweet some interesting thoughts. Create SOMETHING! You won't be good when you start - people won't pay attention. But don't let the numbers - the view, subscribers, downloads, impressions - bother you. Do it for yourself and keep at it. Someday it'll blow up and you'll see why it's important.

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Learn to manage your time

Time is a limited resource. And it's your choice to spend it the way you want to. As technology around you develops and dominates your life, you will end up with an important decision - will it make you waste your time or will you use it to manage it well? There will be so many things around you that will interest you - cars, gadgets, books, movies, shows, sports - the list is endless. You will have to measure how much time you spend on each of these and how does it add meaning to your life apart from being a source of entertainment. You might find yourself running out of time to pursue a hobby. It's only when you track your time rigorously and identify how you spend it, you'll be able to manage it more effectively.

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Learn how to manage your money

You will earn money. Loads of it. But the hard part about money is not earning it, but managing it. Unless you save and invest well, you will actually be losing money every year (time value of money is an interesting concept you'll learn later in life).

Sadly, our education system doesn't find it important to teach us personal finance at school. You will be left to figure it out on your own - rely on friends who are as clueless as you are or your parents who believe in the safe havens of fixed deposits, while being completely ignorant about newer products that will give you higher returns.

So it's all on you, my friend. Read up on personal finance. Talk to people. Figure out the options available. Learn how to do to your own taxes. It's not easy and it's very easy to lose money trusting someone else. Work it out yourself. Try. Burn your fingers. Learn. Rinse. Repeat. Someday, I assure you, you will figure it out.

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Learn to understand and not to get marks

Education is important. Marks - not so much. There's no point in trying to top the class if you don't understand the concepts. It's a shame that our education system considers your marks as the sole metric to assess your performance and potential. But that's only until you start your career. Once you get into the big, bad corporate world, you'll be assessed based on what you do and how well you do it - and that's where the thorough understanding of what you've learnt will immensely help you.

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Never stop learning

Don't do things just because someone told you so. Ask questions. The Why? The When? The Who? The What? The How? Read about stuff you don't understand. Reach out to experts and pick their brains. You will learn about a guy named Elon Musk who will build re-usable rockets just by applying what he reads. Honestly, to put it harshly, the day you stop learning, you might as well stop breathing.

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You will find love. Wait.

It's the age to fall in love, they say. Some of your friends might already be in a relationship - describing it as the best thing in the world as they see it from their rose-tinted glasses. Soon everyone around you will have a partner and you might be among the very few to not have a girlfriend. Let me make it as clear as possible - IT IS FINE! Don't sulk. Don't feel lonely.

Don't feel like something is missing in you which is why the girl you like doesn't feel the same way.

You'll be fine. Love will happen and yes, it will be beautiful. You don't have to get desperate. Wait. Focus on being a better man. Respect women. Understand them. Empathize with them. And you'll see why the wait was worth it.

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Take care of your health

Yes, you're a short guy now and your wish of becoming a 6-footer seems unlikely. Well, let me not spoil that for you and I'll wait till you find out how tall you eventually become. But a 6-footer ain't going to look good if you don't take care of yourself. Eat well - there's no harm in indulging in pizzas and burgers now and the Friday night alcohol-fuelled parties as you grow older, but maintain a balance. Sleep around 8 hours every day. Wake up on time. Work out at least thrice a week, without an excuse. Take care of your skin and especially your hair - you know your genes aren't doing you any favours in that department.

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Take care of your parents

With a 30+ year age gap between you and your parents, you are already different from most kids your age. Your parents will have different ideologies, values, ethics, and their understanding of how the world works will be very different from the world you live in. But remember - they love you and trust you and understand you. Hear them out, without any bias - their experience will always amount to something. They'll get old, get ill and their only source of energy is seeing you, being with you. Spend as much time with them as you can.

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Don't chase money

Money is powerful. And important. In so many scenarios, you will be assessed based on how much money you have. But the money will come, trust me. Early in your career, you will be too young to worry about earning a few thousand rupees here and there. Instead, focus on learning. On experiences. On meeting the right people. On doing the right thing. And doing it well. All this will eventually build your wealth, sooner rather than later.

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Never be the smartest person in the room

Man is a social animal (sorry for the cliche) and that means you will always be surrounded by people. Friends, family, work colleagues, clients - people from all age groups, from all walks of life, belonging to different cultures and countries - will influence you in some way or the other. Make sure you are around the right people - people who align with your thoughts but also critically assess them, people you can learn from, people you can look up to, people you can trust.

Always remember - there will always be someone smarter and brighter, and your job is to learn from them, not compete with them! There is no "smartest" person in life, everyone needs one another.

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Be ambitious, not arrogant

A life without ambition is no life at all. Always strive to go higher, scale new heights and be the best. But keep yourself firmly grounded. Be humble about your privilege. Respect the sacrifices of your family to ensure you get the very best. Don't be arrogant. No ambition can be achieved by trampling over somebody. Live and let live. Grow and let grow.

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You don't have to fit in

Every individual is different. More often than not, you'll stand out from the rest. You might be called names - geek, nerd, scholar, studious; your appearance might be commented upon, you might be taunted for not smoking or drinking. Don't let that affect you. Focus on what you like and what you want to do. It's the people that stand out that eventually make a difference in how the world works.

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Buy quality, not quantity

As you venture out on your own, you will be surrounded by all things bright and shiny - mobile phones, watches, cars - each one trying to catch your attention more than the other. You'll be like a kid in a toy store; except now you have the money to afford these things. It's okay to indulge - you earn to eventually spend on these items that you love and read about so much. But don't go for the cheap products that promise on paper and fail to deliver in reality. Wait till you can afford what you truly want and only then spend your hard-earned money on it. It's okay to pay a premium for better quality and a better brand - it's going to last longer and eventually, you will use it well and everything will be worth the price.

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Build a second brain

Your brain space should be prioritized to think about new stuff rather than store information that you might need someday. Build a second brain. There are so many services available that will help you systematically store everything that resonates with you - interesting blog posts, twitter threads, movies that left you looking for answers, people that you look up to. Don't let all of this clutter your brain and risk it being forgotten when you most need it.

Put down your thoughts in a place where you can revisit them. Write a small film review. Summarise a book. Save a clip of something you watched that truly resonated with you. Share it with friends and family. Think over what they have to say and write that down as well. You'll spend some extra time on it now but years later, you will end up building a massive library of stuff that you can go through at the click of a button.

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These notes are a good mix of things I haven't done and things I have. For all the things I haven't, the aim is to start off right away and build a base before I actually turn 30 next year. If only, it was all put together in one place like I have now for me to read a decade and a half ago.

Cheers,
Amol

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